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Stuff that’s Annoyed Me This Week.

PRESS HOUNDING OF STEVE HARMISON

Guardian cricket writer Mike Selvey should hang his head in shame. If I wanted nasty vitriol posing as “humour” I would buy the Torygraph and read the lamentable ramblings of Michael Henderson.

No one is disputing that summat ails Steve Harmison, and that since the brainless decision not to offer bowling coach Troy Cooley a contract the Durham man has been misfiring.

But to describe Harmison’s efforts as “so pathetic as to become laughable” and to make that ever so lame joke about monkeys, typewriters and Shakespeare to describe how Harmison would find his next scalp is just plain puerile.

He bowled a corker to dismiss Ganga trapped leg before to a pacy ball having been pushed back into his crease but Selvey’s analysis of this is risible.

Until Simon Jones comes back, or we uncover another shock and awe bowler, then we are left with no alternative. Hoggard, Sidebottom, Plunkett, Mahmood and Anderson are all game lads, the former arguably the best swing bowler since Fred Truman but they can only take you so far up the rankings.

Harmison has the ability to destroy world class batting line ups so my advice to the media is to can it.

We all get frustrated with the Big Man but I would like to ask Mr. Selvey just how his contribution is going to help, especially given Harmison’s well documented mental vulnerability?

PARENTS WHO CALL EACH OTHER MUMMMY AND DADDY.

Don’t. It’s up there with “Baby on Board” which roughly translates as; “I’m so wonderful I just HAD to reproduce”, or “I’M A PARENT!!! THIS MEANS I CAN DO WHAT I LIKE AND JUSTIFY ALL” especially driving 4X4 and having no manners or consideration for others.

Which brings me to the continued frothing at the mouth and hyping by the Rothermere Press of the Madeline McCann case.

People come up with this “if you haven’t got kids you don’t understand” garbage. You’d have to be some piece of work if you couldn’t empathise with the McCann’s plight. As it happens I too have a four year old but I keep returning to the point raised by Simon Schama on Question Time last week; “If the family had been single parents from a Council Estate and from an ethnic minority and holidaying at Butlin’s, would the response have been the same?”

FORTY YEAR OLD FAT BLOKES WHO HAVE JUST JOINED A GYM.

They go absolutely mad on the exercise bike, collapse in a wheezing mess whilst spluttering something along the lines of “no pain, no gain!”

They then get in the sauna and crank the heat right up to unbearable levels and do that breathing through the nose thing which is meant to exhort that excessive sweating will somehow result in the loss of four stones in a week. They then leave because “I’m cooked!”. Meanwhile the thing is rendered unusable by the rest of us for half and hour. You never see them again but you just know that the £30 per month is still winging it’s way to the grateful owners as guilt will never see that direct debit cancelled.

PATRICIA HEWITT.

"The NHS Budget issues have had minimal impact on patient care"

Satire is alive and well I see.

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About dermotrathbone

Writer and co author "Through Red Lenses". Activist Unite the Union, Save Our NHS Hull. Fan of Yorkshire County Cricket Club, Hull FC, Munster and Ireland Rugby. Views are mine alone and may not reflect the organisations concerned.

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