What is it about Northern Irish politics that every few months we see the ugly mugs of various politicians standing in front of a rapt media declaring that the agreement to offer semi skimmed milk in the Assembly Tea Rooms denotes “an historic breakthrough”.
However the question of whether or not to include “Irish” stew on the canteen menu proved “a major stumbling block to progress”.
Jeffrey Donaldson said; “We loyal UK Citizens decry the Irish Government’s attempt to subvert our British way of life with greasy lamb based dinners”.
Taioseach Brian Cowen quickly denied being secretly pleased as it meant more for him.
Meanwhile Sinn Fein/IRA refused to concede on the issue of the “Ulster” fry for breakfast, and the DUP are adamant that Donegal, Monahan and Louth should not be referred to as being part any “Ulster” breakfast experience.
A spokesman for the DUP said; “Ulster will fight, and Ulster will be right. Overcooked bacon, black pudding swimming in fat and those funny bread type things are every proud Protestant’s birthright. Why should the Nationalist Community get to clog up their arteries with cholesterol?”
Sinn Fein/ IRA Chief Negotiator Martin McGuinness was only prepared to concede certain “deeply held principles” on the breakfast menu providing Peter Robinson agreed to the removal of “the frankly offensive and triumphalist “Orange” juice from the list.
Robinson admitted he was prepared to give ground on the vexed canteen issue provided the grass around Stormont could be concreted over as he “did not wish to be confronted with swaths of green on my way to work”.
PM Gordon Brown said; “I feel the hand of history on my shoulder, or is that that hand of the Fraud Officer asking for money back?”